Thursday, August 28, 2008
I feel really tired... After my ah gong's departure, my little cousin's mother caught lung cancer and at the moment of stage 5. Which is there will not be any miracle even if she go through chemotherapy.
I don't wish to go through another funeral of my kins. It's really indescribable. It's like I can't breathe and cry out at the same time, all feelings choke at my chest. The worst is my little cousin would be motherless soon and how would he take it and perhaps affecting his childhood.
I... Why...
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
This is the day where my ah gong is going to be cremated to ashes. My relatives and I were talking about whether we gonna cry out or hold on our tears. I told them seven mandarin characters which is an idiom," 男儿有泪不轻弹". Which means only grave matters which tears would be revealed out.
Around 1.30pm, we were parading on the streets with our ah gong walking him down to the crematorium barefooted. Although I'm unsure of what that means, but i guess its suppose to be the last walk with him. The strangest thing is one of my relatives is the head of some gang in Singapore. Around twenty plus guys with tattoos guarding the road to let us pass.
Soon, reaching the crematorium, I felt nothing. Absolutely nothing. Accept my mucus keep on flowing every minute. The critical moment came. We were all standing a piece of window pane and watch what is going to happen. I did not know what happenings would occur. At the extreme left corner, I saw the tip of the coffin being situated on the track for burning. Tears flooded out profusely and I had breathing difficulties. My little cousin ask me what would happen to Ah gong. I forcefully smiled to him and said, "he is going to the second stage of life."
Upon hop to the bus going back to Bishan, I had an experience never felt in my life. Flashbacks of my ah gong and I playing during my age of a child. My cousins and I loved to jump on his bed and sat with him talking how fun was it to come his house. Then, I recalled the last visit I went to see him just before his demise. I grab hold his hand telling him its fine as he was having recalls of his past. At that time, I knew he could not make it in few days time.
But I guess the one who is suffering is not my Ah gong but my ah ma. Although she never told us anything, I can feel the agony in me more exponentially added to her.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
I find hard to say out. Don't ask why. Thanks. Appreciate.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
There will be nothing on this post.
Pure feelings - In this post.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
2008 Olympic Games, Beijing, CHINA , Aug 8 -Aug 24
Results - Team Events 1st Stage
2008 Olympic Games
Beijing, China
Congratulations Singapore!
Singapore wins for sure a silver medal in the team event.
Results of the Semi-Final: Singapore - Korea (3-2)
1st match: World number 9 Feng Tianwei - Dang Ye Seo, no. 26 (3-0)
2nd match: LI Jia Wei - Kim Kyung Ah (2-3)
3rd match: LI Jia Wei & WANG Yue Gu - PARK Mi Young & KIM Kyung Ah (3-0)
4th match: Wang Yue Gu - Dang Ye Seo, no. 26 (0-3)
5th match: FENG Tianwei - PARK Mi Young (3-1)
When I heard the news, I was elated as Table tennis has been my so called guardian angel since primary education. Secured a silver medal! That's the sport I'm been playing and I'm proud of it.
As for the match for the gold medal, I was devastated not because of how Singapore players did, but I felt not well when we Singapore did not win the game. As a matter of fact, it's a crosscut for Singapore anyway and they themselves know they cannot win the game beforehand.
Seriously, Li jia wei's opponent was a tough nut to crack as she was able to control the ball freely with the spin and knock back to Li jia wei's notorious backhand( in which she was quite weak and unable to give a full drive.
Everytime when the ball point goes to the opponent's team, I would scream "No!" and "What the hell!". But, I could say Singapore had came far enough. More than enough.
This is my bat! Which made me look at it once more.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
It seems to me my ah gong has been so weak for the past few weeks. He became thinner and lost his appetite to everything. My father told me ah gong know that I went to visit him and I was astonished at first, but filled with sorrow the minute later.
My ah ma told my mother whether that my ah gong can make it more days to come. My mother told me it's inevitable and even ask me whether my examinations are over so that ...
It's my first time and I awfully dread seeing someone past away especially is one of my kins. I really wondered whether I can face the upcoming days.
Some more, my relatives always give excuses to visit my ah gong and only knows how to care and concern through verbally. I felt pity for my ah gong and as for myself too. What if my children does back to me? Won't I be living for nothing?
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Hai. That time when I wear the colored lenses in the face of my mother, she cried when I told her it's alright to wear. To appease her totally, I threw away in the bin for her sorrowful eyes to look upon on, and everything went back as usual.
I guess my heart went flat when she does anything to make me feel guilty. She does not need to use beating or torture on me to make me be obedient.
As long as she cries, complain about why her son wants to be disobedient, not listening to her I would give in unless it's something unreasonable.
It's chain of loving me, but at the same time felt bitter about it.
Today, Nic ask me whether in the future am I going to do any ear piercing? I giggled and told him, "I wear contact lenses, my mother cried. What if I do a piercing?" Nic laughed hysterically.
Age : 20
Family