Tuesday, May 26, 2009
I'm kinda person who does things with a high certainty.
I loathe false hopes.
I don't get these words "think", "thought", "maybe", "perhaps".
I want confirmation.
I'm sure everyone knows the feeling of putting your hopes up high & became a dual edged sword & cut by it pretty badly.
I know that pain & ain't savor it well.
Monday, May 25, 2009
During the weekends, xh & hf went my house and play Rockband. Finally, I have a drummer, bass guitar. We went high and mighty, wrecking havoc( although xh & hf were kinda concentrating, and became so quiet till I could hear my voices.)Till today, my voice box have yet to recover.
You can say I felt free from my obligations to school & fyp, crank up fellow friends who wishes to harass me now and then( torturing me mentally), and seeing things which invokes sorrowful thoughts.
Felt free with hf,xh. Well, in the recent years, never once my friends come to my home except them. Perhaps deep down in me, I accepted them truthfully and I know I can trust them wholeheartedly.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Other than the two girls, xh and hf whom have individually impressed me with what they are, another great one has surfaced.
She's another superwoman, working three jobs; one of it is freelancing for Mediacorp, to support herself and her needs. She has her own rental home, her parents ain't supporting her due to divorce and got break off from her emotional pillar, her boyfriend used-to-be.
Though it's tough on her, every module that I see her, always with a vibrant smile like there's a better day on and on and on. Admired truly.
To : Journal
In the previous week, on Friday itself, went with Joel to Starbucks at Novena. We sat down in starbucks somewhere at a cozy corner, with great scenery of water dripping on to the ground in colors of light. Treated Joel with a cup of espresso, and I had Lavachip blend. Not long enough, saw xh cleaning up the tables if I've remembered clearly, and felt sadden towards the two girls working on nights. If I were their parents and see such a scene, I would feel my kids had grown up and felt contented deep down in heart. ( Of course, they say their parents would not have said that. But, I'm sure in each of their parent's heart, the word pain floats out eminently.)
I asked them whether the job was tough. Instead of words of suffering, they actually enjoyed the experience but I find it late by the time they had reached home, and dangers always lurk in the dark.
The next day, went to see the girls rock&roll. Gretel sang really well especially Love Story by T.Swift. Bh&Bf were musically inclined and almost knew each instrument and played superbly and swept me dumbfounded. Hf had the airs of a great drumer and though sometimes errors occurred, but her beat with the rest bonded. Xh done well following the teachings by (either bf or bh) playing the bass guitar. Amazed I was to their performance.
Went to ate at the Japanese food court. Soon, Xh&Gretel got to leave for someone's birthday celebration. Went to bought tickets (angel&Demons) at 11pm and went to bh/bf house for a quick rest. Meet up with xh later at The Cathay. Nice show by the way.
On Sunday, supposedly to go for a family dinner but promises went to hf's friends and I find making the effort to fufil promises is important indeed. Went to Aston but found the food nothing special. To be exact, totally way off & it's overated. Perhaps I have yet try their steaks and shall leave another comment next time.
Later on, took a direct train with them. They set foot at Bishan while I'm reaching another end.
After weekends, my problems & worries are back. Looking forward for the next weekends.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Many unexpected events happen on this day of each week. I hope it's just pure friendly.
Anyway, new timing using sprint for the last 2 laps. Seems more tiring and the timing improve by 10 sec. ( 15.30 for 2.7km)
Monday, May 18, 2009
Writing soon. Got two understanding tests ahead of me. Kinda busy. Soon. Real soon my Journal.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
You can see me jogging especially the days when frustration comes up.
Anyway, I finally see improvements to my runs. Here's the update.
When I was at 115kg, I ran for a pathetic 100m and stop jogging. 2.4km took me 45 mins.
when I was at 97kg, I ran for 500m and stop jogging. 2.4km took me 30mins.
When I am at 87kg, I ran for 2.7km and never stop jogging, it took me 15 mins 40 seconds.
I'm been running since Mon, Tue, Wed, Thurs. I'll gonna run everyday unless my legs fail me. I'll been told that my weight won't go down as I reach the limit at 90 kg. Though indeed the progress is slow, but I will go to the weight I want. As usual, reality is cruel to obese people and my beloved friends lost in love had proven me straight onto my face.
I ain't getting obesity to my face as an excuse and that's the punchline.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Well, today went for a fyp meeting with ace, daroji, shakina and Lee Kong Sing.
Was not happy, but anyway part and parcel of life.
Went to gym which was decided yesterday with Joel, seeing him with thoughts of slimming down. We spend 2 hrs there and feeling exhausted.
We went to Velocity first and I went to bought my singlet since the singlets at home are oversize. Cost me 25 dollars and sure hurts my wallet. When in the changing room, I was wondering what the hell was wrong with the another customer changing at my right side. The thin wall was going "Thump" and "Thump".
Bought it and went to where Joel wanted to reminisce of. Bought a new pair of shoes for jogging. Finally. Puma's foam shoes. Comfy and light. Okay, carry on my story.
He decided to bring me to Vienna which was the place where Sarah and he went for their first anniversary. I kind of sense how Joel can react to someone he likes. Talks about how he came out with ideas of giving the presents, how he portrays himself, and I sense tingling sadness through his slit eyes. By the way, eat buffet like vienna, might as well go sakura sushi at science centre near Jurong interchange. It's cheaper and serves better.
Later on, we went out vienna and head out to the train station. Unexpectly, the train had problems moving on. Finally, the train upon reaching AMK, it stop and gave a announcement asking all the passengers to find a alternate transport to go to your respective destinations. Joel was even more "sian" then ever. AMk is where Sarah lives. We had to catch 952 I suppose, and kind of opposite her house. He was even sadder as before. Hope on the bus and saw someone wearing a watch similar to his and made him recall the couple watch he had bought for her.
What worst was upon alighting, the bus driver parked the bus at the place where Joel always send Sarah off to her bus, ironically 952. Sad, sad situation.
Of course, from the story above, it sounds very peaceful right? Actually, the violence scenes were taken out. He punches me every few steps he took.
P.S - Secondary Kakis who see this please don't tell Joel. I'm writing this for the sake of my old age, and I can read back to refer. Otherwise, Joel will wack me once again.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
I'm tired and Understanding Test is coming up. At the same time, I cannot anyhow eat what my mind wants. "Coincidentally", I need to keep fit for Napfa test and to face the cruel realities for obese people.
Lucky for me, I have two vessels for me to pour my worries and every other thing. One is xxx xxxx and the other I'm still uncertain since xxxx xxx's not my real kin but I do know I feel happy. Another thing I appreciate about xxxx xxx is that although xxxx xxx had a past which I felt painful, she still stands strong joyously in front of me. That's admirable. To think again, xxx xxxx also like another her. It's like a mirage I guess. Both can cook well, know house chores, similar to superwomen.
Of course, my kakis are there for me especially Clis & Qiwei. The three lecherous musketeers gx,greg, shamir are there to talk crap with me and sometimes I do enjoy. As usual, they like to tease me on not knowing how to flirt with a girl, how to talk flowery with a girl and things like that so on and so for. They are another source of entertainment for me seeing them bullshit all the way.
Hope to survive till the holidays.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
People ask why nowadays I make myself pack with stuffs till there's no day I can relax. Well, the answer is simple. I want my mind on something be it where I am. I don't want to have time to think about things that may not even happen. Like one sided "blank". I just I only start doing something to "blank" when I can hear a clap. ( It take two hands to clap. Not one.) It's disatrous to "blank" someone when someone don't feel anything. It's tormenting to me and in the end I suffered sliently and no one to blame for. So.....
In the meantime, I work myself to death, or either I exercise till I feel extreme fatigue.
Happy news. I'm dying soon. But, from 89 to 88 and to 87. Elated I am.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
When something clocked up my time, I would eat junk food.
Today, went to singpost at civic centre after school. Then, they told me need to go ICA because I'm a NS enlistee. Great, waste my time queuing and in the end need to go ICA.
Candle lights writing vesak day though the day have not reach yet. At chinatown.
Before chinatown, went to tea chapter.
Nice experience and cozy.
Thompson plaza. Meet venue before going to tea chapter.
hf,xh and yy. we were at fairprice. xh was daring enough to sit in it. True enough, many onlookers thought she was mad. Btw, this day is on the Friday. One day before the chinatown outing.
Chinatown's german sausage. I like the uncle. He has a unique accent and style.
Almond frenzy on the day around chinatown. They ate the rice balls, I slurped down the soup.
If my memories don't fail me, that's Madeline, bi hui and bi fang(went to check out the music store), Gretel next to me when this was shot, and two others is hf and xh.
The auntie who was selling the rice balls.
Kinda random pictures all over the place. Tired as I am, this i how it is.
On sunday before I leave hf's house, xh showed me some clips of Mummy, and Xiao lao Hu. Adorable and felt bliss just watching it. But, it ain't gonna change my mind of raising a pet. Perhaps in the future I dare say not.
Age : 20
Family